Well, it’s still not over, and by not over, I mean not just because we now get to listen to the pundits endlessly analyze this historic primary campaign. It’s not over because isn’t over until the Fat Lady sings.
And no, unlike some writers in the mainstream press, the Fat Lady isn’t Hillary Clinton. As fascinating as such observations about Ms. Clinton’s weight are–just as much as observations that seeing Barack Obama’s dark-skinned face as United States President would cause world peace–when I say Fat Lady, I mean that elephant in the room: party unity.
Who wouldn’t want that you say? And why wouldn’t it happen? Hillary is going to put down her claws, and back down. The convention will be the coronation that it was always intended to be. And in November we’ll all go and vote for our man, Obama, and then John McCain will be elected.
Oh. Wait a second.
While he has been now compared to every Kennedy living, dead, and somewhat living, and Abraham Lincoln (another odd coincidence for you JFK and Lincoln assassinations were related in the stars), Obama simply cannot beat John McCain in a general election without a white person on the ticket. Just as Hillary could not beat John McCain without a man on the ticket.
Funny, exactly what makes this campaign historic is the very reason why the Democrats won’t win: because the two most likely candidates were a multi-racial man, and a tenacious woman. But what would make the campaign truly historic is if the two could somehow come together on the same ticket, bridge the old guard and the new, show that the Democratic party represents all races, all women, all people rich and poor, and beat John McCain in November.
It wouldn’t be that hard. President Obama and Vice President Clinton share the same views on most every issue. And wouldn’t they make a dashing team? Obama is charismatic and idealistic. Clinton polarizing and pragmatic. Obama can talk about things getting done and truly inspire people to believe. Clinton can butt heads and manipulate people until it actually gets done. He’s a man. She’s a woman. It’s like the Odd Couple, Will and Grace, a Reality Show, and the most important election on the planet in the past twenty years, all rolled up into one.
Talk about ratings.
Unfortunately, there’s this little thing that might get in the way of party unity: politicians are dicks. And even when they’re in the room with an elephant, they still think they’ve got the biggest one in the room.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is why we’re fucked. Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
[NY Times]